I still go back to that moment of divine confirmation on the beach in my homeland, Mexico. I revisit the intensity of the bright bluish green, the orange, the yellow of the light that illuminated the sky late at night. I don't want to forget the beauty that lasted long seconds.
Natasha, Isaac, and myself had decided to go back to the beach with our sacred tequila, a didgeridoo, blankets, and my favourite Mexican snacks bought in the OXXO in the Pemex gas station. The three of us enjoyed the sound of the waves while we discussed matters of Spirit, the heart, and our purpose. He gifted us with so much insight and guidance.
The time in Mexico has been all about letting go, about surrendering. I have been really keen on understanding this concept. What it means to allow myself to just be. To be, even though it is outside the norms, even though it means separating from people I love, what it means to create a life that supports my path, to be brave and take the steps to share with the love of my life, to be the creative duende, to be the magic woman, to be the hechizera, the traveler, the melancholic dreamer.
That day, we had tried to have a Temazcal ceremony (Sweat-lodge) after visiting the cenotes (see image below). For some reason, the older men were not the chosen ones. It was Isaac who had meant to be our Chaman that night. He had been called to do a ceremony as well, and had been looking for us. We found each other. He gave us a cleansing ritual with his ceremonial drum and recycled our stagnant energies in the sea.
Through the ceremony, I was presented with my jaguar self. This is who I have to face. A Mayan shaman appeared on my left side. He was there urging me to face my new self. I have been running, escaping from black jaguars in my dreams for a bit now. I finally clearly understood, in that moment, that the jaguar is my magic self, my powerful magic. And in this ceremony I stood there and accepted myself.
I learnt about the need to shift my thinking. There is no need to control. In fact, there is no possibility of having full control. There is no possibility to owning anything either. We do not own our work, our words, our lovers, our land. We are merely licensed to share spaces, share creativity with each other, nourish the soil we stand on. It is just our gift to be given the opportunity to channel, to birth ideas, art. We are just a conduit to the birth of a poem, an image, a garden. A creation does not, and can never belong to the creator. It all belongs to each one of us. Each word, each movement, each painting belongs to the source, to all. Because we are all one. We are a network of beings, a root system, a waterscape, a collection of clouds. We are all united and connected. We are not separate.
And there we were, sitting in front of a roaring ocean. The waves providing the soundscape while we poured out truth. We discussed that we are constantly in a process of birthing and rebirthing ourselves with painful breakthroughs. Through this, we realize we always knew something greater was waiting for us. A whole new universe, a section of this multiverse ready for our tiny seedlings of new versions of ourselves. We rejoice and celebrate this new beginning that was worth all the pain. Remembering that the seed was comfortable but not enough.
"And all we need is FAITH"
In that moment, when Isaac confirmed that all we needed was faith in ourselves, in god, in each other... The sky lit up, and a MASSIVE COMET visited this Earth. We saw the comet in amazement cross the sky. The stars disappeared and all we could see was the bight green, blue, yellow and orange horizontal line crossing the night.
What we need is to have faith. To have faith is to surrender.
We met Isaac in the sunset, on a big rock at the beach in Tulum, Quintana Roo, Mexico. He asked me if I did long exposure photography. He also had a dSLR in his hand. I didn't engage much because I wanted to finish the conversation I had started with the waves hitting the rocks. I wanted to feel the ocean’s energy, I longed to feel every tingle of the wind in my skin, and enjoy the sunset to the extreme. After he gave us a ride home, I realized Natasha and I had found another jaguar tribe member. I was so happy.
I now have so much faith in my journey, in myself, in my intuition.
I know that my path is clear, and all I need is faith to erase the perceived false fears.
I have faith in love, in our ability to create changes and bright futures.
Faith in God(dess) and me.
I am good.